Ramblings at 4:54 am

It's 4:54 am, and I'm having trouble falling asleep. On my way home tonight, I suddenly thought of an idea for a potential project, and it's hard to stop thinking about it. This idea will need refining and careful execution. Perhaps it's not a great idea after all. But being enthusiastic about dreaming big dreams is a privilege for being young, even if these dreams may not be realized in the end.

During a dinner conversation with friends tonight, we were talking about what we want most. I immediately thought of a successful career. Yet, at this point, I don't have a clear picture of what it means to have a successful career. I certainly don't want to end up chasing after something and realizing afterwards that it is not what I want.

I thought of money. It's hard not to feel the pressure when it seems so many people in Hong Kong are in Finance and making millions of dollars. Yet, I know money is not what I want. Otherwise, I wouldn't have chosen to be a Psychology major. Oh boy, I think I'm going to be poor.

Then when I was brushing my teeth tonight, I thought what I want most is to see my ideas become real and successful. Yet, no matter how great an idea is, it is bound to face "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune," as Shakespeare would put it. If I have bad luck, I have to live with it. Besides, according to the idea of synthetic happiness, my "psychological immune system" will still allow me to feel real happiness, even if I don't get what I am aiming for.

While tossing and turning in bed, thinking that my potential project idea is just a fantasy, I realized that it doesn't matter. I know this sounds somewhat cliched, but what matters is I give it a try while being realistic about the challenges. What I want most is this freedom to pursue my dreams, which is what I have right now.

Friends have been asking me how "unemployment" has been treating me. It is absolutely fantastic.

(Note: I'm not implying that I didn't enjoy my previous job. And I'm not trying to make you jealous)